I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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