just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize