Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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