I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
