I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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