i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My feet surprised me
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
