Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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