Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
MIDGETS
????
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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