Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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