I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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