I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
