So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
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