I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I can't turn off my feet"
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
