If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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