How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
