That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
it's like iHOP with fire
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I am one with the molecules
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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