he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
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