Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
