I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Randomize
