i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
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