Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
