youre lurking in front of me
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
