Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
