i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
