I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize