God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
