I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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