she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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