I wanna passion pit in your ass
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
