i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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