Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
