how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
