shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
