i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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