those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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