you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
