I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
