I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
