you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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