when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
