I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
