you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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