So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
