On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
