my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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