singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
