I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
