Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
