they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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