Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We are all done wearing pants today
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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