I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
