New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
