Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
