I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Your penis caused this!
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