He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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