my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
