Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
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