If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize