I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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