We're facebook friends in real life
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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